고려대학교 대나무숲, #28946번째 포효입니다. 수많은 대나무숲 글들 중에서도 특히 아름다운 글이라 영어로 번역해 보았습니다.
I learned about it the first time around two winters ago. Brain tumor. I'd heard about it here and there, but it was difficult to accept.
I cried my eyes out when I got home. I cried for the whole day, then cried a bit more. Then I'd cry silently, in fear you'd hear me. I lived in despair for a while, hating the world and hating you.
After those tears came a realization. That if we didn't have much time left, at least let's use that time for beautiful memories, however short. I didn't mention it out loud, but you probably read my thoughts.
Looking back, you'd probably started to fall apart slowly by then. Both physically and mentally. You were probably sorry for me.
But, you were falling with your eyes on me, so maybe you could last a little longer leaning on me.
Cherry blossoms were especially beautiful that spring. We went on a date with a load of drinks and food. Boxes of beer cans and snacks. It was an annual event for us when we were dating, then we had to stop because of work after we got married. It was quite refreshing after such a long time.
We chattered for a long while, leaning on the cherry blossom tree that we'd known since we were a young boy and a girl. You used to bring up embarrassing facts about me, probably thought it was funny to see me abashed. Used to carelessly say things like 'You were really stupid back then, dumbass.' Still lovely was this girl. Nevertheless, I'd tease you back with whatever I knew about you, and we'd kiss after a long playful squabble.
In the summer, we went to the sea or the rivers at least once every two weeks. You'd nag at me for days to go, knowing I hated the heat. I couldn't even be angry, because we both knew it could be our last summer together.
You'd seen a lot of stuff here and there, knocking on watermelons. We'd buy one, you'd carry it for five minutes then toss it to me. I'd glance at you and grin. Then you'd nag at me asking what's so funny.
Surprisingly for such a confident girl, you were not a swimmer. You used to be genuinely afraid if I pulled your ankle into the water. It being so rare to see you in fear, I'd pull you into the water whenever I got the chance, and giggle watching you freak out. At least, until you kicked me in the groin.
In the fall we went to the mountains, lying on fallen leaves as a bed. I brought a mini table and a chair, with a stack of books. You played on your phone lying in a hammock I'd set up for you close by, talking to me every now and then. You'd smack me if I just smiled at you and continued reading, telling me to stop acting so romantic.
The autumn night sky, with stars shining, was too beautiful of a sight to pass by. We lay down on the ground, sharing a blanket. Just like that, side by side, we'd look up at the sky for hours. We talked less, and conversations were only sparse, but we'd always break up into laughter.
We stayed home in early winter, waiting for the first snow. We'd resigned from our jobs, had a lot of time. So we'd watch old movies or playing with 2000-piece puzzles. Your eyesight started going bad, so you had prescription glasses. You'd really dislike showing me your face with glasses. Really, you were one difficult woman.
When it finally started snowing, we went outside and had a snowball fight. I'd sneak up on you, concentrating on making a snowball, and lightly bite your earlobe, and you'd scream and cram snow into my jacket. Thanks to that, I probably caught cold a few times that winter. We didn't stop kissing, so it wasn't surprising that you came down with the cold as well.
We knew, very well, that we didn't have much time left. You'd sometimes cry silently, and I'd ignore it, and talk to you brightly.
'The forsythia are beautiful today.'
'The weather was quite nice today, thanks to the clouds.'
And so on.
You'd thank me silently, and I'd smile.
We desperately acted normal to be happier. We laughed, chattered, ate, walked, acting as if everything was okay. We talked to each other, touched each other, embarrassed each other, got annoyed at each other, then apologized to each other. Then we'd look at each other, laughing. We struggled against the limited happiness.
And just like that, time passed. To spring, summer, fall, winter.
The six months that the doctor gave us had already passed well by. The extended time gave us new memories, and they helped you stand a bit stronger, a bit longer.
We had a hard time,
we cried secretly,
but we succeeded in smiling more.
Thirteen months.
The time that you held on with all your strength. The doctor called it a miracle, and I just thanked you.
You went into seizures more often in the end, so you stayed at the hospital. You were smiling every time I saw you, and I couldn't say anything because I knew you were smiling for me.
We were falling apart, afraid of the oncoming farewell.
And one cold spring day, I finally sent you away.
We looked at each other, smiling amidst the tears.
It was a relief, knowing that we'd say goodbye with a smile. You were always such a happy girl.
'You have to be happy. Marry some other woman. You earn well, you're tall. You're not really handsome but that's okay. At least you have a good personality. Okay?'
Your last words were the rain soaking my heart, the snow blanketing my soul. And with those words I could only swallow my tears.
There's a legendary bird that has only one eye and one wing, that can't fly unless it finds a mate. It was probably not a coincidence that I thought of you after reading about this bird in a book.
I close my eyes, draw your face slowly in my mind.
We met at the age of five, when the world was so big,
we became best friends and learned life together,
we started dating when we were sophomores in middle school,
we only loved each other for our whole student lives,
we became fiances at the college graduation party,
and we were the world's most beautiful couple.
My girl.
My one and only, my final love.
You are still deep in my heart.